BAGUS WRINKLIUS AMERICANUS
An excerpt from Growler's Encyclopedia of Eccentric Animals
Published by Foolem and Howe
BAGUS WRINKLIUS AMERICANUS
collective noun: bouffant, as in "...that ship has a fine bouffant of baggy wrinkle"
A small, furry mammal native to the Great Lakes, commonly known as the Lesser Baggy. It is the fresh water cousin of Bagus Maximus, a sea-going creature that, according to the "BIG BAG" theory, created the basis of all sail anti-chafing gear. They frequently crawled into and entwined themselves about the rigging of tall ships in order to snap up evening-flying insects. During the day they slept peacefully at their perch and seemed to enjoy the intermittent back-scratching that came from flapping sails. Seamen soon learned ot appreciate the decrease in wear and chafe on their sails due to the Baggy Wrinkles and enticed them to stay on board by strategically tying peices of small line in their rigs to give the Baggy a purchase for their four-thumbed paws. Entire colonies remained and bred on a well-kept ship.
Females tend to take up residence on the starboard quarter-lifts, backstays, and shrouds. The dominant female (alpha Baggy) usually commands and defends a position on the starboard main backstay. Males remain to port, except in the early morning hours of a full moon when they will crawl to the masthead and back down the other side in hopes of mating, giving rise to the phrase "up and over."
Bagus Wrinklius Americanus was long on the United Nations's endangered species list, but has recently made a come-back in the upper Great Lakes area. While revered by sailors, it is usually referred to with the question "What's that fuzzy stuff up there?" by landlubbers. With careful husbandry and great enlightenment it may well be able to regain it's rightful place in the hearts and minds of the public. Then American deckhands will once again be able to look aloft and say with a smile "Don't shed on me."
From a plaque, placed for obvious reasons, on the Schooner Madeline. Written by Jan Hale. Thanks, Gene Davidson, for providing a copy.